Circles
One of the most useful tools in SAA is looking at your addiction from the perspective of the Circles. There are three circles: the Inner Circle, the Middle Circle and the Outer Circle. The Inner Circle contains all of the activities that you feel are addictive, obsessive, compulsive or out of control. These are also referred to as bottom line behaviors. When you participate in one of these behaviors, you have slipped.
The Middle Circle consists of all of those behaviors that lead to the Inner Circle. Usually when you’re involved with one of those behaviors it feels like “playing with fire, flirting with danger or the dancing on the edge” to use a few different metaphors. The chances are much greater that you will slip when you’re in the Middle Circle. Consequently, a good deal of the energy in recovery consists of avoiding those Middle Circle behaviors or at least being aware when you’re in the Middle Circle.
The Outer Circle is what we strive for as addicts. It is all those behaviors and activities which are positive, healthy, and life-affirming. They are often activities that connect us with others, bring us joy and happiness, or help us work towards goals that we have. They needn’t be fun. Growth often takes hard work and perseverance but is certainly in the Outer Circle. They needn’t even be active. Prayer and meditation are two good examples.
I don’t really want this to turn into a lesson on the Circles but I felt that I wanted to explain them before listing my own circles. This Blog is a new Outer Circle behavior for me. I’m still feeling it out to find out what it means to me and how it can serve my recovery. For one thing, it keeps those people who care about me and my recovery abreast of where I am, people such as my former sponsor and my new sponsor. I also made this available to a friend of mine who has been very helpful. She helps me to get perspective and gives me a reality check from time to time. So, here are my circles:
My Inner Circle
• Masturbating to pornography of any kind—magazines, video, Internet
• Looking at pornography intentionally
My middle circle doesn’t include going to strip clubs even though I’ve done that because I seldom do. However, if I did go, I would probably consider it a slip. The only reason I don’t put it in my Inner Circle is because it’s not something that I’m obsessive and compulsive about. Sometimes I’ll come across some porn accidentally so at those times I need to move on and do something else. If I continue looking at it for more than a few seconds then that constitutes a slip. There’s a little bit of grey area here. I don’t think that I’d consider anything under 10 or 15 seconds a slip but that doesn’t mean that I give myself permission to take a quick peak. That’s intentional viewing.
My Middle Circle
• Using provocative words in search engines on the Net
• Surfing the Web when I’m horny, distracted, anxious or otherwise off balance
• Surfing the Web when I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT)
• Surfing the Web randomly late at night
• Looking at nude photography, especially at a bookstore, gallery or art museum
• Going out on the town with the intention to “get laid”
• Browsing through books in the Sex Section at bookstores
• Viewing provocative movies or television
• Reading erotic stories
• Visiting personals sites on the Web (besides Match where I am not a member)
• Following women, even if it’s only a few paces
• Getting preoccupied with women that I don’t know
• Opening up spam email
There are more or less in the order in which they are problematic for me. For instance, if I put a particular word in a search engine, it may be too late. Usually by that time, I’m in the bubble. Once I see an image that is triggering I want MORE. It’s very hard not to act out at that point. All bets are off! I don’t care about recovery anymore!! I just WANT to satisfy my CRAVING. So, if can avoid these behaviors, recovery comes more easily, especially if I’m also engaging in some Outer Circle behaviors.
My Outer Circle
• Mountain-biking
• Hiking
• Being out in nature
• Walking outside
• Reading
• Singing
• Playing the guitar or the piano
• Organizing or cleaning
• Exercising
• Going to meetings
• Spending time with friends
• Playing games
• Making program calls (connecting with other addicts)
• Healthy expressions of sex
• Meditation
• Healthy dating
Of course, this list is just a sampling. There are a million things in my Outer Circle. Part of the fun and joy of spending time in my Outer Circle is to discover these things. My Outer Circle also includes all the activities which lead me towards the goals that I set for myself. As I mentioned these may not be fun or easy but they definitely strengthen me and make me grow. It is my intention to write here in the this Blog INSTEAD OF acting out. We’ll see how that goes! It’s only been three or four days since I acted out the last time.
The Circles are only useful if we remain mindful of them. Sometimes things in one circle will migrate to another. After time, people will take things out of their middle circle and move it to their outer circle. In the beginning, it’s helpful to put any and all triggering behavior in there. I hope there comes a day where I can look at artistically done nude photography without the desire, which usually follows now, to look at more graphic stuff. I might find a need at some point to add something else to my Inner Circle but right now the addiction is all about pornography and overwhelmingly about Internet pornography. The circles are meant to be pliable and flexible. It is helpful to go over these circles with a sponsor as I did recently.
One of the most useful tools in SAA is looking at your addiction from the perspective of the Circles. There are three circles: the Inner Circle, the Middle Circle and the Outer Circle. The Inner Circle contains all of the activities that you feel are addictive, obsessive, compulsive or out of control. These are also referred to as bottom line behaviors. When you participate in one of these behaviors, you have slipped.
The Middle Circle consists of all of those behaviors that lead to the Inner Circle. Usually when you’re involved with one of those behaviors it feels like “playing with fire, flirting with danger or the dancing on the edge” to use a few different metaphors. The chances are much greater that you will slip when you’re in the Middle Circle. Consequently, a good deal of the energy in recovery consists of avoiding those Middle Circle behaviors or at least being aware when you’re in the Middle Circle.
The Outer Circle is what we strive for as addicts. It is all those behaviors and activities which are positive, healthy, and life-affirming. They are often activities that connect us with others, bring us joy and happiness, or help us work towards goals that we have. They needn’t be fun. Growth often takes hard work and perseverance but is certainly in the Outer Circle. They needn’t even be active. Prayer and meditation are two good examples.
I don’t really want this to turn into a lesson on the Circles but I felt that I wanted to explain them before listing my own circles. This Blog is a new Outer Circle behavior for me. I’m still feeling it out to find out what it means to me and how it can serve my recovery. For one thing, it keeps those people who care about me and my recovery abreast of where I am, people such as my former sponsor and my new sponsor. I also made this available to a friend of mine who has been very helpful. She helps me to get perspective and gives me a reality check from time to time. So, here are my circles:
My Inner Circle
• Masturbating to pornography of any kind—magazines, video, Internet
• Looking at pornography intentionally
My middle circle doesn’t include going to strip clubs even though I’ve done that because I seldom do. However, if I did go, I would probably consider it a slip. The only reason I don’t put it in my Inner Circle is because it’s not something that I’m obsessive and compulsive about. Sometimes I’ll come across some porn accidentally so at those times I need to move on and do something else. If I continue looking at it for more than a few seconds then that constitutes a slip. There’s a little bit of grey area here. I don’t think that I’d consider anything under 10 or 15 seconds a slip but that doesn’t mean that I give myself permission to take a quick peak. That’s intentional viewing.
My Middle Circle
• Using provocative words in search engines on the Net
• Surfing the Web when I’m horny, distracted, anxious or otherwise off balance
• Surfing the Web when I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT)
• Surfing the Web randomly late at night
• Looking at nude photography, especially at a bookstore, gallery or art museum
• Going out on the town with the intention to “get laid”
• Browsing through books in the Sex Section at bookstores
• Viewing provocative movies or television
• Reading erotic stories
• Visiting personals sites on the Web (besides Match where I am not a member)
• Following women, even if it’s only a few paces
• Getting preoccupied with women that I don’t know
• Opening up spam email
There are more or less in the order in which they are problematic for me. For instance, if I put a particular word in a search engine, it may be too late. Usually by that time, I’m in the bubble. Once I see an image that is triggering I want MORE. It’s very hard not to act out at that point. All bets are off! I don’t care about recovery anymore!! I just WANT to satisfy my CRAVING. So, if can avoid these behaviors, recovery comes more easily, especially if I’m also engaging in some Outer Circle behaviors.
My Outer Circle
• Mountain-biking
• Hiking
• Being out in nature
• Walking outside
• Reading
• Singing
• Playing the guitar or the piano
• Organizing or cleaning
• Exercising
• Going to meetings
• Spending time with friends
• Playing games
• Making program calls (connecting with other addicts)
• Healthy expressions of sex
• Meditation
• Healthy dating
Of course, this list is just a sampling. There are a million things in my Outer Circle. Part of the fun and joy of spending time in my Outer Circle is to discover these things. My Outer Circle also includes all the activities which lead me towards the goals that I set for myself. As I mentioned these may not be fun or easy but they definitely strengthen me and make me grow. It is my intention to write here in the this Blog INSTEAD OF acting out. We’ll see how that goes! It’s only been three or four days since I acted out the last time.
The Circles are only useful if we remain mindful of them. Sometimes things in one circle will migrate to another. After time, people will take things out of their middle circle and move it to their outer circle. In the beginning, it’s helpful to put any and all triggering behavior in there. I hope there comes a day where I can look at artistically done nude photography without the desire, which usually follows now, to look at more graphic stuff. I might find a need at some point to add something else to my Inner Circle but right now the addiction is all about pornography and overwhelmingly about Internet pornography. The circles are meant to be pliable and flexible. It is helpful to go over these circles with a sponsor as I did recently.
posted by David at 9:23 PM
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